Other Ten Percent 7/4/14

Jul 04 2014

Alright guys! Holiday! Time to celebrate our favorite anniversary. That’s right today is the day that Ulrich of Augsburg was canonized as a saint! Wait, shit, that’s not the important one is it? Are we all celebrating the time the Thebans defeated the Spartans?

Man, there’s a lot of options here. It’s so hard to tell what we’re all celebrating. A lot of shit went down on July 4th during the crusades which probably is more about them being hecka long and hecka obsessed with bookkeeping than anything else. Also, I hope all our Canadian friends spend the day celebrating the founding of Trois-Rivières.

Another fun fact: over the past century or so Americans seem to do a lot of symbolic patriotic shit on this day like reopening the statue of liberty’s crown and laying the cornerstone of the freedom tower and starting Radio Free Europe. What’s that about? Weird coincidence, or proof of a secret government conspiracy?

Wait, actually, shut up me, it turns out this joke is dumb and the wikipedia page for July 4th is fascinating. Amoung the people born on July 4th (do we have a dumb name for that like “patriot babies?” We should totally have a dumb name for it) are Meyer Lansky, Neil Simon and Bill Withers. Man, somebody should do like a tournament for most famous person born on a given day every day for a year. Like pick 16 that get narrowed down every two hours over the work day.

Hire me buzzfeed.

Anyway oh shit I’d totally forgotten this thing where 3 of the 5 first presidents died on July 4th in a way where I’ve basically always been 100% sure they just died in the summer and some servent was like “just put down independence day. People will love that shit and times of death could not matter less here in the 19th century.”

Anyway I hope you guys enjoy whatever variation on drinks/burgers/fireworks you’re having today. I’m going to play videogames then hang out with people in the evening.

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