Other Ten Percent 4/30/14

Apr 30 2014

And now, flash fiction based on the stock images and titles Spotify is using for its new “mood” playlists:

BetterOff

I know you think this is the end for me but it’s just the beginning. I’m going to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on with my life. I know it won’t be long before I’m sharing drinks with my friends and telling them how much happier I am now on my own. I just really wish you had left the car.
I mean fuck dude, it’s not really that hard to figure out that a guy I met outside a college dorm who sells pot “recreationally” isn’t my soul mate. This was only a temporary thing AT BEST and there’s going to be a lot of better options for me now that I’m back on the market. Or at least I will be back on the market as soon as somebody gives me a lift back to town because Jesus Christ who leaves a girl in the middle of nowhere without a ride?
Wait, is that a car? Holy shit I think I see a…wait no it’s just a mirage isn’t it. I can’t believe I had to figure out how mirages actually work outside of Disney movies because of you and our dumb ass relationship. and I can’t even open up Google Maps and figure out where I am. My cell phone is down to like a quarter battery though and reception is BALLS out here.
Long term I am better off without you but short term I am walking down this country road in the middle of nowhere and that fucking sucks.
FAVORITE TRACK: Go Your Own Way- Fleetwood Mac

Gothic quirkIt

“Gentleman and ladies, I’ve brought both of our crazy murder cults here today for one reason and one reason only: to decide the best music to murder somebody to.”
“Please everyone everyone CALM DOWN. I know we all decided back in 1972 that the best music to murder somebody to was either “Helter Skelter” or “any rockabilly song” but times have changed and music tastes have changed as well. Dubstep, shoegaze, footwork: In the right circumstances these are all perfectly reasonable musical subgenres to kill a person to. It’s time for a new era.”
“Now I know this won’t be an easy issue to come to consensus on. I prefer to murder people to songs with a strong acoustic guitar element. Our friends in the order of the animal scream meanwhile have been arguing for years that there’s a lot of unexplored potential in murdering people to synthesizers. I’ve put a few suggestions into a spotify playlist that’s open for any of you to edit. I suggest we break for lunch, take a little time to put in our favorites and listen to everybody else’s options and then we’ll meet back here around 1. Sound good to everyone?”
FAVORITE TRACK: We Share Our Mother’s Health- The Knife
LifeSucks
This was a disaster. The car had stalled out an hour ago and she was still waiting for Triple A. Even if she RAN she’d be 10 minutes late to pick up Billy from soccer practice and even if Derrick rushed home from work to check on the roast it was going to be overcooked. God, this was her worst day since…
Wait, when WAS the last bad day she had had? Her last haircut? …No her hair was perfect. Work had gone fine since her first day 12 years ago. Derrick and her had gotten married right out of college and he had never so much as considered cheating on her. She even loved her Brothers.
That can’t be right. SOMETHING bad must have happened to her. But, no, this was the first bad thing.  Nobody had picked on her in school. Both her parents were still alive. She didn’t recall childbirth as being particularly painful. Even her childhood dog was still alive…26 years later.
She dropped her phone. She knew now what had happened. Billy would find a ride home from soccer. He was a good kid. Derrick didn’t need her to make dinner. She could walk away from all of it. None of it mattered. She was dead. She had always been dead. Now the only question was if this was heaven…or hell.
FAVORITE TRACK: If I Die Young- The Band Perry
Business
“Hey Brad? It’s Brad. I’m over here at Spotify HQ and we need to talk about some of our new ‘mood’ playlists we’re rolling out in the next few weeks.”
“Yeah I know you’ve got it handled but some of the higher ups are worried there aren’t enough playlists for the ladies in the audience. No no I saw the like friendship ones and the ones about like, finding your man or feeling empowered without him or whatever. I was thinking though: couldn’t we do a whole playlist for women who are just LOSING it because they’re about to have their periods. Like just PMSing super hard?”
“What would that even be? Oh I dunno like I guess Lilith Faire crap and some like Taylor Swift maybe? Listen, I don’t really do music, I’m an idea man.”
“What? Kate Nash? I don’t know who that is. Just think of music women listen to while eating a quart of ice cream on TV. Now let’s talk art. I think a lot of people are going to suggest you go with JUST a woman eating a bunch of junk food or JUST a woman looking grumpy or JUST a woman whose makeup is all messed up so cool dudes like me wouldn’t want her. Those people are all idiots though Brad. I’ve talked to the other VPs about this and we’ve all agreed that you need to find some art where a woman is doing all of those things at once. Oh you’ve got it? Can you send it over really quick and I’ll take a look?”
PMS
“Oh, yeah that’s perfect.”
FAVORITE TRACK: Radioactive- Imagine Dragons
Young
“Young Wild and Free!” Melissa yelled. Casey yelled it too.
Coachella was Casey’s favorite time of year because she got to spend it with Melissa. Melissa was her very best friend and It seemed like every time they came out here their BFFship only depend. Every time they did drugs or hooked up with guys or talked their way into the VIP tent they grew closer. But sometimes Casey worried their time together was coming to an end. They were getting old, 24, and Melissa had been dating the same guy for 5 months now. What would happen when they STOPPED going to music festivals together?
“Then we’ll remember all our great times together. It’s fine. We can’t be young wild and free forever” Melissa had said when Casey asked her.
Casey wondered why not and that’s when she understood what she had to do.
When she knocked her out and dragged her body into the desert outside of Coachella later that night she knew their friendship would truly last forever. She was Melissa now and it was impossible to get closer than that.
FAVORITE TRACK: Diamonds- Rihanna

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